You are All DISMISSED!!!!
by The Fork Dork
Summary: This is a little spoof of that dating game on MTV called "Dismissed"...FFVIII STYLE BABY!!!!
1. They All Flaunt it

DISMISSED!!!!!

~ Well, Most people have seen that dating game on MTV "Dismissed. Well, I hope anyway. Well, here is a spoof of it FF8 STYLE!!!! 

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing…just you soul. Muhahahaha! 

**Director**: Okay, uh…Mr. Squall Leonardo or whatever. We're going to shoot your little intro now, so just tell us about yourself. Ok, in 1, 2 …

**Squall interrupts:** What do I say?

**Director**: Anything you want. Try to flaunt your sexiness.

**Squall:** Sexiness? 

**Director:** Yes, and by looking at you, the ladies will drool all over you…smirks

**Squall**: That's disgusting. 

**Director:** Yea, Yea…lets get rolling. In 1, 2, 3 ACTION!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Squall:** …

**Director:** CUT!!!!!!!!! Squall, you were supposed to say something. 

**Squall:** I don't want girls drooling all over me, that's disgusting…

**Director:** That was a figure of speech… they won't LITERALLY drool all over you! Just try again, this time, just tell us a little about you.

**Squall:** …

**Director:** ACTION!!!!!!!!!

**Squall:** …

**Director:** rubs temple What is it NOW Squall?

**Squall:** I don't think everyone has a right to my life…It's none of their business

**Director:** pauses JUST SAY SOMETHING!! ANYTHING!!!!

**Squall:** whatever. 

**Director**: 1, 2, 3…ACTION!!!!!!!!!

**Squall:** …

**Director:** pulling at hair What is it NOW!!!!!????!!!!

**Squall:** I can't think of anything to say.

**Director:** Ok…SQUALL REPEAT AFTER ME!!!! OKAY?!?!?!?!?!

**Squall:** uh…ok

**Director:** Roll Cameras!!!!

**Squall:** Roll Cameras.

**Director:** Hi, I'm Squall Leonhart. I like walks on the beach and cuddling.

**Squall:** Hi. The director is a donkey that thinks he's me. He also likes walks on the beach and cuddling.

**Director:**swallows some aspirin AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! When I say REPEAT AFTER ME, I mean, REPEAT AFTER ME!!!

**Squall:** But I don't like walks on the beach and cuddling.

**Director:** Grrr…JUST SAY ONE SENTENCE ABOUT YOURSELF AND LET ME GO HOME!!!!!

**Squall:** whatever…

**Director:** ACTION!!!!

**Squall:** I'm Squall, I like staring at the wall. 

**Director:** CUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! starts to cry THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!!! TRULY BEAUTIFUL!!!!! pause now go home…

**Squall:** walks off screen

**Director:** Now for the editing room, I'll need a gallon of coffee and some tequila.

***THE FINAL CUT***

The words "dedicated to Mr. Director Man who died while editing this clip. Well, he went momentarily insane, and then died while trying to shove a pen down his throat" flash across the screen.

**Squall:** I'm Squall. his picture pauses

**Voice trying to imitate Squall's**: I am a student at Balamb Garden and I like having fun. What I look for in a girl? Well, she better be hot, crazy, outgoing, and she must know how to treat a guy. 

The scene then zooms to a clip of scantily clad girls dancing around on the beach with some "hip to the max" music playing.

**Music**: Dumbah, Dumbah, Dumbah, Dumbah, Dumbah, Dumbah!!!!

Camera zooms back to a still-shot picture of Squall.

**Voice trying to imitate Squall's:** I also like walks on the beach and cuddling. 

Screen turns black

((Hey, at least it attracts viewers))

***LET'S MEET OUR CONTESTANTS***

**Quistis:** Hey, I'm Quistis Trepe. I'm organized, strong, and not to mention pretty. winks I carry around a whip and I have a passion for pause kink?! WHAT THE F***?! WHO WROTE THIS F***ing SCRIPT?!?!?!?! 

**Director's voice:** Just keep reading!!!

**Quistis:** Ahem…My interests include reading poetry, painting, and dancing. pause What the f***?!! What is this supposed to mean, "show off your body"? This is gay! I didn't even agree to do this!!!! storms off set

**Director:** Bah…good enough…

**NEXT CONTESTANT**

**Rinoa:** Hiee!!!!! I'm Rinoa and I am really cool!!!!! ^^ What I look for in a guy? Well, He has to have 10 fingers, 10 toes, both eyes, hair, speaks English, two arms, two legs, eyebrows, be human, and uh…he has to have a brain too. Wait there's more!!! He has to have his own lungs, hands….

1 hour later…

**Rinoa:** He can't own a cat. He has to be able to do the following things: read, open doors, walk through doors, breathe on his own, dance the Macarena for 4 straight hours without barfing, feed himself, walk by himself, scratch his own back, doggy paddle, jump on one leg while singing "Row, Row, Row your boat." He has to own his own house with a bathroom, a roof and maybe a back yard with some grass. His car has to have all 4 doors still attached, a windshield, and at least 3 tires.

1 hour later…

**Rinoa:** And Oh yea, I like to play with my doggy Angelo. 

******To Be Continued******

~Please Review cuz if you don't I will kick you to the moon. 


	2. The Insanity Commences

~Please bear with me. Pretend the characters have never met each other before ok?

***THE MEETING***

The scene is at a beach with blue water and palm trees. Rinoa and Quistis walk towards each other and finally meet. 

**Rinoa:** Um…excuse me, but do you know where I can find a beach and a girl named Quistis Trepe?

**Quistis:** I'm Quistis you ding-dong.

**Rinoa:** Wow!!! What a coincidence!!!! ^^ 

**Quistis:** So, you're Rinoa eh?

**Rinoa:** How did you know my name?! Are you my stalker?!?!?!?

**Quistis:** Um...never mind. Well, er…so we're going on this date together eh? Well, I'm gonna win!

**Rinoa:** Huh? Win what?

**Quistis:** The heart of the guy we're dating!!! 

**Rinoa:** Dating…silly Quistis, I'm Single! I'm not dating anyone! Ha ha!

**Quistis:** Err…right. Let's just wait for our date.

**Rinoa:** OUR date? My date is cheating on me? Oh my ding dang gosh darn it date! I'm gonna call him up and cancel on him takes out cell phone

**Quistis:** No! Didn't you read the rules for this game?

**Rinoa:** Game? 

**Quistis:** You know, we both take this guy out. At the end of the date, he chooses one girl to keep and he dismisses the other girl.

**Rinoa:** Hmm…interesting.

**Quistis:** Get it now?

**Rinoa:** Umm…no. But that's ok!

**Quistis:** sigh I wonder when this guy will get here?

**Rinoa:** Look! Look! Look! I see him! I see him!!!!!

**Quistis:** Umm…that's a mailman…

**Rinoa:** Really?! Where!!!!! 

**Quistis:** Look there he is. 

Squall approaches from a distance. He walks with his "I'm a model you know what I mean? Cuz I sashay on the Cat Walk Yea, cuz I'm too sexy for my shirt" walk. He finally reaches where the other two are standing.

**Rinoa:** Hi! I'm Rinoa!!!! hugs Squall

**Squall:** er…whatever.

**Quistis:** Hi, I am Quistis. You are looking very nice today. winks

**Squall:**…whatever.

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RINOA CONFESSIONAL

**Rinoa:** Well, Quistis is pretty, but I'm prettier. She might be smart, but I'm prettier. smiles dopily As for Squall. He's so darn CUTE!!! I want to hug him and squeeze him and kiss him and keep him forever!!!!

----------

QUISTIS CONFESSIONAL

**Quistis:** I think Rinoa has a brain of a 6 year old. Squall is hot though. This is gonna be a piece of cake!

----------

SQUALL CONFESSIONAL

**Squall:** I think both of them are annoying. I want to go home. :grumble, grumble:

**----------**

**Quistis:** Ok, enough with all this chit chat. I have a super duper day planned out today! 

**Rinoa:** ARE WE GOING TO DISNEYLAND?!

**Quistis:** Uh…no.

**Rinoa:** aww…shucks

**Quistis: **So do you want to know what our date is going to be? 

**Squall:** No, not really.

**Quistis:** We're going to for a boat ride! I rented a yacht for the 2 of us. Uh…you can come too, Rinoa.

**Rinoa:** Yay!

**Quistis:** What do you say, Squall?

**Squall:** ….whatever

**Quistis:** Ok! All aboard. 

Quistis shows them a small rowboat with peeling paint and a broken oar. 

**Rinoa:** Wow…pretty boat drool 

**Squall:** …you call this a yacht?

**Quistis:** Well, here we are. Let's get comfortable. looks longingly at Squall

**Squall (thinking)**: Quistis looks like a monkey when she does that.

---------

SQUALL CONFESSIONAL:

**Squall:** Dear Hyne, PLEASE HELP ME!!!! Quistis is scaring me.

----------

Quistis leads the group to the front deck where she has set up a little picnic. 

**Quistis: **I packed Beer and Onions!

**Squall:** O dear…

**Quistis:** And I also packed a little something for Rinoa…

**Rinoa:** Dog Biscuits?!

**Quistis:** No. 

**Rinoa:** Aww…I wanted a doggy treat…

**Quistis:** Well, I did pack you a…TIME OUT CARD!!!!

**Rinoa:** YAY!…wait…Where am I going to go if we're all on this little row boat?

**Squall (thinking): **Rinoa does have brain cells left!

**Quistis:** Like this…puts her into an orange life jacket and puffs it up

**Rinoa:** Wow! Am I a pumpkin? 

**Quistis:** Now me and Squall can be alone for 20 MINUTES!!!!

**Rinoa:** 20 minutes? But I can't count to…Quistis pushes her off the boat into the water Wee! Look! A duck!

**Quistis:** Anyway, Squall…care for an Onion?

**Squall:** No thanks. 

**Quistis:** I can eat Onions very…SEXYILY.  did you know that?

**Squall:** No and I don't want you to show me. . 

**Quistis:** grabs an Onion from the picnic and takes a bite out of it Mmmm…so good and spicy…like you! spews onion bits at Squall Mmmm…come join me and my…sweet onions, Squall. 

**Squall:** I'd rather not…

**Quistis:** O Squall, you're so sexy, KISS ME!!! pounces towards Squall and pins him down

**Squall:** ARGH! Your breath!!!!!

**Quistis: **Isn't it sooo sexy?

**Squall:** *cough* It smells!

**Quistis:** Oooo, I love an honest man! plants a forceful kiss right onto Squall's lips

**Squall:** *muffled screams* turns a little green

While that little escapade is going on…we go to Rinoa. 

**Rinoa:** I'm a little teapot! Short and stout! 

**Camera guy:** Umm…what do you think Quistis and Squall are doing?

**Rinoa:** Hmmm…I think they're training Elephants.

**Camera Guy:** No, really.

**Rinoa:** Can you make an Elephant sound? Cuz I can't…attempts to trumpet like an Elephant Its so hard!

**Camera Guy:** Among other things…

Well, we go back to Quistis and Squall. 

**Quistis:** still on top of Squall You're such a great kisser. 

**Squall:** You really need a tic…Quistis plants another kiss onto him *muffled screams*

****20 Minutes Later****

**Rinoa:** Floats back to the boat Hey! I can make an Elephant sound!!!! 

**Quistis:** Gets off Squall Oh Darn. She's back. 

**Squall:** *quick breaths* I have never been so glad to see her.

Quistis helps Rinoa out of the water. 

--------

QUISTIS CONFESSIONAL

**Quistis:** Oh My God, that was the best 20 minutes of life!!!! 

--------

SQUALL CONFESSIONAL

**Squall:** *quick, deep breaths* I will never underestimate oxygen ever again!

--------

RINOA CONFESSIONAL

**Rinoa:** Where did the Elephants go?

-------

**Rinoa:** Well, for my date, I'm taking all of you to my favorite restaurant!

**Quistis:** What? Chuck E. Cheese?

**Rinoa:** Well, no…I'm taking you to Dollet's finest Seafood restaurant!

The 3 of them arrive at "The Funky Lobster" and sit at a table outside. The waiter comes and they place their orders. 

**Rinoa:** I like seafood. It reminds me of the sea. 

**Squall:** err…whatever. 

**Quistis:** argh…get me away from this insanity. 

The Food Comes…

**Rinoa:** Here Quistis, A time out! 

**Quistis:** sarcasticallyO thanks…walks away with her plate of food

**Rinoa:** So Squall, how big is your "car"? Do you like take it for rides a lot? 

**Squall:** looks shocked Um…that isn't any of your business.

**Rinoa:** O! That's too bad. Because my daddy is getting me a Viper on my next birthday! 

**Squall:** Oh…heh heh…I don't own a car. 

**Rinoa:** shocked EWWWW!!! WHAT KIND OF HUMAN ARE YOU?!?!??!

**Squall:** argh…fine…I do own a "CAR." 

**Rinoa:** Oooo!!!! Is it a Toyota?! 

Let's Check on Quistis!

**Quistis:** I'm not scared. Rinoa wouldn't have the brains to do anything. takes a bite out of her food I'd rather be eating onions. 

Back to Rinoa and Squall. 

**Rinoa:** Want to see my Bongos?

**Squall:** O DEAR GOD NO!!!!

**Rinoa:** takes out Bongo Drums I wrote a song on them too!   

**Squall:** O! your BONGO DRUMS!!!! I see what you mean. 

**Rinoa:** out of tune voice _I once knew a little hairy starfish!! It lived down down under! Under where the light never hits. I like to pet that  little hairy starfish!!! OOOO yea!!!! That little star.._Squall interrupts

**Squall:** I'm sure the rest of the song is nice too. 

**Rinoa:** How come everyone never likes the hairy starfish song?  

**Squall:** Er…whatever. 

Quistis comes back. 

**Rinoa:** Ok! Let's go to the second part of my date! We're all going to my house!!! 

**Quistis:** You mean this evening isn't over yet?

Squall, Rinoa, and Quistis arrive into Rinoa's back yard where there is a scenic pool and hot tub. They all go to change. Rinoa comes out in a baby blue bikini and water wings to match. Quistis is wearing a sensible orange one-piece. Squall remains in his leather pants and everything else as well. 

**Rinoa:** Silly Squall! You can't swim in that! 

**Squall: **I am not wearing a bathing suit!!! 

**Quistis:** What's to worry about? I'm sure you'll look mighty sexy in a bathing suit! 

**Squall:** No…

**Rinoa:** No worries Squall! Water never hurt. pushes him into the hot tub and then jumps in, Quistis follows suit 

**Quistis:** Are you sure you need be wearing water wings in a hot tub?

**Rinoa:** Better safe than sorry! 

**Squall**: Well, since I am EXTREMELY uncomfortable sitting in a hot tub with all my clothes on, I'm going to end this now!

**Quistis:** Yay! Are you going to dismiss Rinoa? 

**Squall:** Umm…Quistis, you really annoyed me. Rinoa, you annoyed me too. But I have to say, Quistis, you are dismissed! 

**Quistis:** shocked Well, I thought you were a *BLEEEEEEEEP* anyway! Hmph! storms away

--------

QUISTIS CONFESSIONAL

**Quistis:** Argh! Squall is the most *BLEEP*in' *BLEEP*er I have ever *BLEEP*in' met! 

--------

**Rinoa:** So? What do I win? An Elephant?

**Squall:** You get to let me go home and never talk to me ever again! 

**Rinoa:** Wow! I'm speechless!!!!!! Do I really win all that?! 

**Squall:** Yes, you lucky son of a gun.

Squall gets out of the hot tub and exists Rinoa's house. He takes the train back to the Garden and runs to his dorm. 

**Squall:** The insanity is finally over! plops down on bed    


End file.
